i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
