i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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