I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
