Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
