She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
