She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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