They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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