Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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