i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
