Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
