Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
