I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
