i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize