even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
