I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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