I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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