this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
