I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
