OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
