Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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