We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there is glitter all over my balls
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