Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
