You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
