I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I checked into jail on foursquare
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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