Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
