i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
