i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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