Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
