Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Alive.
So much puke
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
