You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
