So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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