I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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