did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
