a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
