I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
