Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
