dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
