Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
