at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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