Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
