Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
