So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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