is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
