She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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