margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
