After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
