do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
