he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
