I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
