I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
