david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
