every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
