if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
