Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
