Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
