I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
