They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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