So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
