I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
